Thursday, June 5, 2008

The quiet of the night

There are just sometimes after everyone is asleep that you would swear everything can talk. You lie awake and listen to the creek of the house, or the wind blowing against your window. In this quiet, you think about your day and in that, your failures and your achievements. You wonder why you do certain things and then puzzle how you came out for the better with everything. You look at your family while they sleep and wonder how you came to deserve such wonderful people in your life. Even at their worse, they would do anything for you, not matter what it is.

It is in this quiet of the night that you begin to realize why God put you here in the first place. You think of his plan for you and wonder how you even can understand the workings of such an awesome being. You have learned so much in your life that you can't possibly begin to understand his cunning and purpose. You make a pact to yourself that the next day you will strive to do better and that nothing will get in your way of trying to be Christlike. But the next night, you are thinking much of the same things.

Maybe life is supposed to be like that. You know your shortcomings and what you need to do to succeed, but you always come back to the beginning. Your life is a giant circle that never stops. But somehow you know the ending will be good as long as you try your hardest.

I wonder how my life came to be the way it is. I have a very loving husband and a beautiful daughter. I love them with every fiber of my being. But how did I come to deserve this? Sometimes I think that maybe it is all a test of how I will handle being in such a wonderful life. Crazy as this thought is, it might be true.

But then again, who am I to know the true knowledge of God's plan? Maybe he has something completely different planned for me, or for everyone for that matter. Sometimes, I truly do wish the house could talk and let me know what it is thinking.

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